20 doctors talked about the stupidest patients in their careers (21 photos)

It turns out that common sense is not nearly as widespread as it seemed (and would like), and thanks to the magic of the Internet, we can see this for ourselves. A Reddit user asked medical professionals to talk about patients who amazed them with their stupidity - to the point that it made them wonder, “How did these people even manage to live to their age?” This is what they answered.





1. “In the past, I worked as a medical oxygen technician and mostly did house calls. One guy was in very high concentration; breathing ordinary air, he received virtually no oxygen at all. He needed 2 super-powerful machines working simultaneously in tandem to barely survive. This was explained to him and his wife many times, ad nauseum, and after each conversation they signed a complete set of documents.

They turned off one machine because they decided it was too loud. He took off his mask because it seemed too cold to him. She would disconnect the hose because she thought it was in the way. And so on and so forth, literally everything that could be thought of that would limit or completely cut off his oxygen consumption.

Then, when he began to react to the lack of oxygen, they panicked and called our emergency line. I lived only 5 minutes away, right next to an ambulance/fire station, and was always getting calls to "fix" cars at any time of the day or night, 3-7 days a week. They refused to call 911 because they “didn’t want to make a scene.”

This went on for ages, over 18 months, until he started having trouble sleeping and one night he turned off the machines and then went back to sleep. Years have passed and I still see his wife around town and she always looks at me as if I killed him.”



2. “I'm an optometrist. If I had a nickel for every time someone said they use urine instead of eye drops, I'd have $0.10 right now. It's not much, but it's still strange that it happened twice."





3. “I work in the ER and I have a lot of stories. For example, I was absolutely dumbfounded by a woman whom my sister brought in with complaints of pelvic cramps and three months of amenorrhea. Lo and behold, she turned out to be pregnant.

Her sister tells me that the patient is sleeping with construction workers from Brazil who are building an apartment complex next door.

I ask if they have any questions.

A patient asked me if her baby would speak Spanish when born.

After a long pause while her sister stared at the ceiling, I told her, “No, because in Brazil they speak Portuguese.”

The patient seemed relieved and the nurse pushed her out of the emergency room before I could discharge her.”



4. “I work in the ER: a 35-year-old woman came in with swelling of her right jaw/neck. “I guess it's because I ate some meat yesterday and my body is reacting to it now.”... 10 minutes later: “Oh yeah, I also accidentally swallowed a bee and it stung me right before it happened. Sorry, I completely forgot to say.”



5. “Not me, but my wife, a veterinarian, had a client who got mad at her because he didn’t know he couldn’t breed after his dog was neutered.”



6. “The number of people who I saw dying from Covid, refusing to believe in its existence, is simply staggering.”



7. “Once I came across the medical history of a man who came with an eye burn. He told the doctor that he had read on the Internet that warm milk could help with irritation, and his eyes were just hurting. So he boiled the milk and then poured it into his eyes.”



8. “I worked in the emergency room. Every day. Every day people come and you wonder how they managed to avoid death for so long.

One of the worst examples was when a guy came to us. He had a twin sister. He told us that he needed to get tested for an STD because, you see, his sister had just gotten it. We, of course, had to ask if he had sex with her and he said no, but they were twins, so if something was wrong with her, so was it with him. After a collective sigh of relief that this wasn’t some incestuous bullshit, we had to explain to him that it doesn’t work that way.”



9. “I had a patient, an adult male, who needed a Foley catheter. His mother was in the room and they lived together somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I told them both that the doctor told him to put a catheter in, how it worked and why it was needed. His mother stated, "Well, he's still a virgin and I'm not sure I want him to have his virginity taken in a hospital."



10. “A woman giving birth came to our maternity ward without prenatal care.

Obstetrician-gynecologist while taking anamnesis: “Do you have any allergies?”

Patient: “Yes, I’m allergic to water”

Doctor: “...Okay...what is your reaction to water?”

Patient: “Oh, I want to write from her.”

Lady, this is not a bug, but a feature..."



11. “It was one of the funniest, but at the same time sweetest cases; I was a student doing an internship in andrology/reproductive health.

Doctor: “So you are trying to have children, but you are not succeeding. So, do you have any other children?”

Patient: “Yes, doctor, there is one.”

Doctor: “Okay, then we need to do this and that.”

Patient: “Okay, great”

Then he is examined and so on, after which he leaves.

After a couple of seconds, he knocks on the door again and says: “Hello, doctor, my wife told me that it is important for you to know that my son is adopted, but for me it does not matter, I have always considered him my son!”



12. “I'm a veterinarian. A couple of years ago, an owner brought in his young cat complaining of lethargy. Apart from the fact that the weight was slightly under normal, the examination showed nothing, so I asked a couple of questions about the cat's diet:

Me: “What do you feed your cat?”

Owner: [online trendy natural food brand]

Me: “How’s his appetite? Does he finish what you give him?”

Owner: “Yes, he always eats everything.”

Me: “How much do you give him?”

Owner: “1/2 cup.”

Me: “Once or twice a day?”

Owner: “Once every 3 or 4 days.”

Me: “........Do you only feed your cat twice a week?”

Owner: “I believe in a more natural approach to feeding, and based on my research, this is what cats often eat in the wild.”

This owner was slowly starving his cat based on some stupid idea he came up with while watching National Geographic. I had to explain to him that domestic cats are not tigers, and that small wild cats eat 10-20 small meals a day. Surprise surprise, the cat’s lethargy and weight improved with regular feeding.”



13. “A patient came in with facial burns, which he received because he smoked while wearing an oxygen mask... twice... in one week...”



14. “I worked as a veterinarian's assistant. A woman yelled at me and my veterinarian for telling her that her dog was required by law to be vaccinated against rabies. She said the rabies vaccine causes autism in dogs and makes puppies stupid.

Note: 3 weeks later her puppy died of parvovirus. Immediately after that, she took another one and did not clean the house. Two more died in the following months. Animal control and local authorities had to intervene."



15. “I was a practicing surgeon. A man came to me with a small bowling pin up his ass... for the third time.”



16. “My mother is an obstetrician-gynecologist who has been working in this field for more than 30 years. The stories I hear from her amaze me to the core. She had a patient, pregnant with her second child, who truly believed that small pieces of her organs were passing through the umbilical cord to the babies, and that is how they received their organs.”



17. “I heard a story about one patient who was clearly explained that she could not miss her radiotherapy session simply because she was busy, and she needed to let us know if she could not make it to the appointment.

One time she couldn't come. So she sent her *twin sister* to radiation therapy in her place. She answered affirmatively to all questions related to identification. They had the same birthday, etc.

The substitution was noticed when radiologists were unable to match it with a CT scan. Because the CT scan was of a woman who had undergone a mastectomy, and the “patient” had both breasts in place.”



18. “A diabetic patient with leg ulcers that were constantly infected by many different intestinal microbes. It turned out he was sticking his foot in the toilet and cleaning open sores with a toilet brush.”



19. “Mom sometimes worked as a nurse in the maternity ward, and she met a bunch of women there who didn’t know that the baby would come out of their vaginas. They really had no idea. Mom used to tell them something like, “What you get through is what you get through, my dear.” It was the late 90s early 2000s.”



20. “Just yesterday one child needed a blood transfusion. The mother refused because she was afraid that the child might be vaccinated through a transfusion.”