Divorce and a nightstand between the beds: how did you understand that it was all over (8 photos)

Users share stories about how they came to divorce and what preceded it. Instructive.





The post was compiled based on comments from Reddit users who answered the question “People, who are divorced - how did you understand that it was all over?”



- We went for a consultation. There the wife talked about the things that she needs in marriage and which she does not receive. The psychologist asked me if there was anything I could do about it, and I answered yes. This took the entire first session. A week later, the second meeting took place, and now I talked about what I was missing in my marriage. The psychologist asked my wife if she could work on this, but she avoided answering. On the way home, my wife said that this psychologist did not suit her and she needed to find another one. A couple of weeks later we went to a new consultant. The first session went like a carbon copy, and the second - with the same success as the previous time. And the wife again decided that she needed to look for another specialist. I asked her: “Which one? Someone who agrees with you on everything?” and she answered yes.

And then I finally decided to divorce.





- I was sitting on the sofa, and she was in the chair. I looked at her, and it seemed to me that I didn’t even know her. I thought... "I don't like you, and I wouldn't even date you right now." We just grew apart. I asked: “Do you want to break up?” She replied: “I thought you would never ask... yes. It’s all over a long time ago.” It was amicable, and we parted ways... there were no hard feelings or a difficult parting, it was just the end.



- Driving home from work, I turn the corner and feel disappointed to see her car in the driveway.

- This happened when I realized that I was calmer when he was not around - I stopped twitching, worrying, and began to smile more. And when it dawned on me that I was suppressing my smiles and joyful mood so that he wouldn’t ruin it.



- When her grandmother died. It was her father's mother. A wonderful woman, she died peacefully. Her father called me, sobbing, and said he was in shock and needed to talk to someone. I replied that I would be right there, and then called my wife. And she was like, “He’s being too dramatic.” At that moment she was with her mother (his wife), and they both did not answer his messages and calls. How is that possible? A man's mother has just died. He is sad and lonely. I went to see him to be close and supportive, and realized that I could see my own future ahead of me if I stayed with my wife. My ex-father-in-law is a good man, but they treated him worse than a street dog. Separate bedrooms with a wife who hates him and has made her children hate him.



“He acted like a piece of shit for years, but the last straw was when he called our newborn daughter a bitch.” Because she woke him up. I realized that I didn’t want her to endure the same things that I endured. And this is the best decision of my life.

- How do you understand that it’s all over? But when it becomes absolutely indifferent to how your partner feels - whether he is happy, or sad, angry or offended. This is that moment.



- We were once driving in a car, I asked him to slow down - there was ice, and I was worried that we would get into an accident... Instead, he stepped on the gas and flew into a rage: he said that I was always trying to control him, shouted and threatened to crash the car. This is how he always behaved when he was very angry, and this was repeated again and again in different forms. After 10 years, I finally got tired of listening to insults and almost stopped reacting to them. He asked, “Are you really going to divorce me because of the way I drive?” and I answered yes. It’s harder to live alone, but I didn’t back down from my decision. Now I'm very happy about it. I became happier and much more confident after my divorce.



- It is very difficult to separate the process of divorce from its result. Many people want to get there, but are afraid of the process (and rightly so, it can suck).

If you could snap your fingers and magically skip ahead a year right to the end of your divorce, would you do it? If yes, then you are ready to get a divorce and your marriage is over.

Sometimes guilt holds people back from taking the final step: they don't want to initiate, they don't want to hurt someone they used to love (or maybe still love).

So I ask them: If your partner came home today and said he loved someone else and wanted a divorce, how would you feel? If you are happy and relieved that your partner was the first to talk about it, you are ready for a divorce.

This is exactly what happened to me when I was married. I dreamed that my wife would come and tell me that she had fallen in love with someone and wanted to break up with me. I wanted the divorce to begin on her initiative. That didn't happen, but that's how I knew I was ready to get a divorce.